- About Us
- Our Services
- Deepak Central
- Teacher's Path
I’m married for the 2nd time now. My previous wedding was a ‘love marriage’ - now, it’s a typical Indian arranged marriage. I’m in US with my husband from the past 2 1/2 months, the issue between us is his mother- whom he wants me to listen to, obey and please- I have tried and explained in numerous ways that there’s only so much I can do- I cannot bend backwards and be the person he expects me to be- My fear is that she is planning to come here in March and stay for sometime. His previous marriage too was destroyed mainly because of his mother’s intervention. I don’t know what to do as walking out of this relationship is not at all an option, neither is it for me to be with his mom. I have to state here that I have accepted this guy for whatever he is and is it really too much to ask for if he has to accept me the way I am? He expects me to keep her here forever in the way in which she wants. Should I too start making demands for him to change?
I think you need to engage in a serious discussion with your husband about what you both want and expect out of this marriage. That doesn’t mean demanding him to make changes, nor does it mean he should be demanding that you have to live up to his mother’s expectations. There are other options available to you besides being a doormat to your mother-in-law or leaving the marriage. Talk to your husband about what kind of a respectful partnership you want to create with him. If you feel that his mother’s interference would be a destructive influence at this early phase of your marriage when you are just beginning to get to know each other and work out a life together, then tell him that. Offer that she can visit in 6 months or a year when you two have firmed up your marriage.
He married you, and you are now the center of his family life, not his parents, not his siblings, not his friends or career. The point of getting married is to create you own life with another. Having mommy coming to live with him 2 months into his second marriage suggests he hasn’t cut the apron strings and really become an adult yet. Explain that her extended stay is not a good idea for him either. It’s time for him to stand up and tell his mother he doesn’t need her running his life and marriage and that he is ready to make his own decisions now.
Be loving and gentle in your conversation with him, but also be very firm and crystal clear. It’s not really a marriage if you two are only living the dictates and expectations of someone else. Good luck.