I just recently got married about two weeks ago. I’m a 24 year old female working and attending college. I have had rocky relationships in the past and now I’m married to someone whom I dated for a mere four months before marriage. I think I made a mistake because I never believed in marriage and now I’m in the institution and feel totally depressed. I don’t think I’m marriage material and I don’t want to be. I feel terrible about it. Is there something wrong with me because of not wanting to be confined to the institution. I feel caged now…. I feel no longer free in my mind.
Answer:
There’s nothing wrong with you, but it doesn’t sound like you have thought through your decision to get married. You have not mentioned anything about loving your husband, or why you chose to get married in the first place. Your depression and discomfort reflect the clash of your unexamined desires and motivations with your new reality. I have no way of knowing if you’re marriage material or not, but you are already married. You have an opportunity to squarely face your life circumstances and determine whether you are ready for creating a life together with this man you wed two weeks ago. You are going to have to do some soul searching to discover what kind of life you envision for yourself. This is also a good opportunity to explore what aspects of marriage you feel are intolerably confining. From whom did you form your ideas of marriage from? Don’t you think you have a say in what kind of a marriage partnership you create with someone? What is keeping you from finding a partnership that helps you attain a greater sense of freedom and accomplishment than you have now? Your feelings of being confined and caged are ultimately based on your own limiting beliefs. Figure out what you truly want and see if there is a creative way forward from where you are now.
Love,
Deepak
