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My question involves getting darshan from a saint, and I wondered if you could help me. I actually found the experience rather gross and detached, and I know that I have to look within myself to recognize what was so unpleasant for me. I think that I am upset with myself that I did not experience some sense of peacefulness from this meeting. Does the fact that I found the experience lacking in spiritual connection reflect that I have not yet made a connection with my higher Self?
Darshan is receiving blessings in the immediate presence of a saint. It is generally a positive experience and a benefit for all who participate, but there can be exceptions. It’s nothing to feel bad about and there is no reason to look for blame either in yourself of the person offering darshan.
One possibility is that there may still have been a delayed evolutionary influence from the darshan that has not made itself evident yet. The initial experience didn’t match your preconceptions of peacefulness and what darshan was supposed to be like, and that cognitive dissonance then obscured your attention from the actual effect of the experience.
If your sure you haven’t derived any benefit from the darshan, then it’s also possible that there could be some internal block that restricted the experience of darshan or you, but it could also be that for whatever reason, darshan just wasn’t an appropriate experience for you at this time in your life. That could change tomorrow, so you don’t need to overanalyze this.